I really am terrified. And I'm playing incredible mind games with myself, which terrifies me even more because lately I'm not even sure I have a mind most days!
I tested way too early. Let's face it - I'm not even late yet. But I've had two positive tests. I used the digital kind - which are relatively new to my neck of the world. Both times, the outside cartridge with the very definitive plus or minus sign window, showed a plus sign. And both times when I removed the actual test stick from the cartridge, there were two blue lines ... albeit that one was lighter than the other in both cases.
This morning, for some unexplicable masochistic reason, I decided to take the third test. Waste not want not attitude I guess ... didn't want that third little test to be lonely by itself in the cupboard!
Anyhow, the outside window showed a negative sign. The test stick still showed two blue lines ... albeit one lighter again.
I'm on a total mind bend right now. Am I? Aren't I? Is this a chemical pregnancy? Should I not have told my husband or those four friends? Will my cycle just end itself on schedule sometime next week and this will all have been a bad joke?
I hate this. I'm terrified to be happy. Thankfully I have a doctor's appointment in 90 minutes, and should be on the road to getting some answers.
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3 comments:
I'll be checking in later to see how it went so if you need to talk let me know.
Oh Sandy - Good luck with things this morning! The mind games are the worst part of all this.
Thoughts...David
Have I mentioned that I hate HPTs?
Please update us as soon as you can.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am sure this will be a difficult pregnancy because of the heartbreak of losing Brodie.
Take care.
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