I don't mean to sound whiney, and I won't utter these words very often, but I want my damn period to start!!!!!!!!!! It's only been 18 days since the last...I don't even know what to call it....and can't seem to make myself consistently admit that it was a miscarriage because it was so early on. Regardless, it's only been 18 days but I just feel like I'm wasting time here.
Probably has something to do with the fact that I am just weeks away from my 42nd birthday.
Yep, February 21st. I turn yet another year older. And still no child. I'm feeling a bit bitter and cranky about that tonight.
And I'm back to being kind of retrospective about it. 42. I mean, come on. Even if we are successful in conceiving again in the next few months, and let's just say we manage to actually carry through to an actual delivery, I'm going to be almost 43 by that time. Am I out of my mind? I should be starting to think about other things. Like how many more years until I collect my long term service award at work? Or how many more years until I can begin to discuss early retirement? Or maybe whether or not I want to continue climbing this corporate ladder I'm on.
Instead, I'm thinking about little baby booties and diapers. When my friends are all turning 50, I'm hoping to be at my 7 year old's Christmas concert, or dragging around ice rinks for hockey (or figure skating), or making homemade birthday cakes.
This advanced maternal age syndrome sucks.
About Me
- Sandy
- I am married to my best friend. We once again have two, huge, drooling, loving dawgs. I have a job that I love most of the time. I'm blessed with awesome friends and family. I thought that what was missing was coming to terms with the fact that I am not going to be a biological mother. I realize now that I'm at terms with it, and am concentrating on being a kick ass evil stepmother, awesome wife, incredible friend and having an all-round meaningful life every single day.
Blogging since 2004
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5 comments:
I can totally relate!
I hope you are doing well.
Take care.
It took me a full 30 to get my period after, you know, the thing. It's very frustrating. Knowing where I am in my cycle makes me feel like I have some control. Ha ha ha, I just made a joke at my own expense.
Boy, do I hear ya on the AMA thing. I can't even use the words, the acronym is enough to make me cringe. My husband is 5 years older than me, so the age thing is even more highlighted for us. But...every time I let myself go there, I think about my Dad. After he and my Mom divorced, he got involved with a woman 15 years his junior and got her pregnant. She had the baby when she was 42 and he was 57. He's now 14 and they are doing just fine. If you do have a baby, it will be the right time for you, and it will be normal for you.
I'm sure that there are some aspects of being older that will make you an even better mother. Hope it works out for you soon.
--Bugs
Oh, Sandy...I hear ya on the AMA thing, too! Thinking about it gives me a major anxiety attack (not to mention depression). I keep reminding myself of the alternative....being 50 and not having been to my 7 year olds X-mas pageant! Besides, our friends who have kids in junior high will be so jealous of us and our little darlings. We'll be feeling (and looking) young when they realize they have a kid getting ready to start high school.
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