I had to drive to another part of the province on Wednesday of this week. It was a five hour drive each way. I left early in the morning of the day of my meeting, stayed overnight and then drove back early in the morning the next day.
The drive itself is beautiful, but goes through some fairly hilly and rural parts of the province. This limits the choice of radio stations. Usually I bring a good selection of cds with me, but for some reason on Wednesday, I chose to listen to CBC newsradio.
Ever feel like you were meant to hear a specific story? I had actually turned the radio off, was going to put a cd in, and then just couldn't be bothered, so turned the radio back on just in time to hear this story. If you choose to listen to it, you'll need about 15 minutes and realplayer. And yes, it's about miscarriage.
What was amazing to me, and I don't know why it was amazing, was how many times the mother in this story could miscarry without having anyone to talk to about it. I had the same experience when Brodie died. People ~ not just women ~ but men too, suddenly began disclosing the stories of their losses. I was amazed at how strong the human spirit is, and saddened at the same time that these losses were simply absorbed into the reality of our lives and glossed over.
Sometimes I wonder if I dwell on our various losses too much. I wonder if spending time on the internet reading blogs, and blogging myself, keeps me in a dwelling place that I should have left long ago. I don't have the answer. I guess I really do just have to take it one day at a time.
4 comments:
You said, "I wonder if spending time on the internet reading blogs, and blogging myself, keeps me in a dwelling place that I should have left long ago."
For me, I truly believe that this has has been my outlet... writing. It's a great help, and I'm sure that somehow, somewhere within you, you might feel that way too. It's funny that when you begin to share your own story, you begin to have others open up about their own. You realize you're not alone in this darkness. It was just you with your small candle. You eventually meet up with so many others that carry the same little candle. The closer they are to you... their story being the light --- the brighter everything becomes... because they allow for you to find your own path in the darkness.
XO, Isabel
I have wondered the same thing. I wish there were an answer.
It's so nice to know that you are not alone in what you are going through and yet, when you go through your bloglist everyday, is it helping you or just reminding you?
Both, maybe?
I find it hard to find a happy medium - I've ranged from dwelling to complete avoidance. The middle ground - acknowledging without dwelling, accpeting without guilt or a sense of failure - to be the hardest.
My blog (and yours too) deals with so much beyond our struggles with IF. It is part of who we are and sometimes it is the focus, sometimes it is in the background. I find that I pick and choose the blogs that I read given what I am feeling. Sometimes I can't bear to read the IVF'ers blogs, or the adoption blogs, or the Mommy blogs. Take the help where it's offered and leave the rest.
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