I'm terrified.
I woke up this morning to some very mild gas like cramps, and when I wiped, I found a brown discharge on the t-paper. The spotting has stopped although the gas like cramps continue. I can't help but flash back to my first bleed with Brodie. This one is NOT bright red, which is good I know (I've researched at Google U this morning already), but it still terrifies me. My breasts are also not sore at all. And I mean at all. Although I've been a little squeemish at times throughout the days, I'm not experiencing any naseau or sickness. Just tiredness, and even that wasn't bad last night.
The other thing that is terrifying me is that HB is not at all interested in considering the possibility that this pregnancy might not stick around. When we were had that last ultrasound that told us Brodie was gone, I can remember the nurse technician and I both looking at the screen and knowing right away. HB, however, was refusing out loud to believe what he was seeing. He kept saying "it's all alright....the baby is fine" over and over.
He kept saying that this morning too when I told him about the spotting. I'm so torn. I've googled and read, and found evidence on both sides. I don't see my doctor until Thursday. I'm trying to follow HB's advice and be as stress free as possible....be positive....enjoy being pregnant.
And yet I have this feeling of doom this morning. I can't even try to think beyond this day. And of course I'm thinking about how frigging many people we told this week in our stupid excitement.
Please please please let me, just this once, be part of that 80% for whom spotting at this stage means absolutely nothing. Please!
_______________________
Updated:
I have had no more spotting at all since the one episode this morning. No more cramping, and happily, my breasts are tender! Thanks everyone .... I'm going to try hard NOT to be an overreacting hormonal bag very often!
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17 comments:
Sandy, I so feel for you. I have been there with just spotting and with gushing - and I thought I would die with the fear and the pain and the not knowing. Get an ultrasound. Make them give you one today. The waiting and not knowing made me crazy.
As for your husband, I guess that is his way of coping. Talk to him and tell him how you feel --- and lean on your girlfriends.
Thinking of you...
Oh, I'm so sorry you are having this scare. I'm sending good thoughts and prayers that everything is O.K.
Hang in there girlfriend...and see if you can barrel into the doc's office first thing and get an u/s sooner, for your own mental health. I think everyone must spot in early pregnancy. I sure did, and I remember sobbing and apologizing to my husband on our way to the hospital to get checked out. Your HB probably needs to find a better balance between being positive and reassuring you that you will both be OK no matter what the outcome.
If you want someone to talk to, anytime, just shoot me an email and let me know. I'll be thinking about you!
It's meaningless spotting. That's my mantra and i'm sitting here on the other side of the Bay repeating it over and over! It's good that it was brown btw.
I think these immense swings between euphoria and panic are completely normal. At this point there is nothing you can do but hope and wait, as crappy as that is. You and HB are coping in different ways, it doesn't mean he doesn't care or doesn't want this. Take care of yourself.
Warning--potential assvice.
I just clicked over from Cec's blog. That's not the assvice, however.
You should definitely get an ultrasound. Today. I haven't gone through all of your posts yet, but it is clea that you have sffered a loss before. While it might be implantation bleeding it might be something else. So screw waiting, especially if this your last go round in the trying department.
NBHHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Viv
Sorry for the typos--juggling the baby and the laptop.
Of course you're alarmist, this is terrifying! Feel whatever you want to feel.
Did you know there's been a study which shows that a tlc approach to early pregnancy significantly reduces recurrent loss? What that means is docs you can call at any time, scans on demand etc. Perhaps you should mention this to your doc? I know your loss isn't recurrent, but these feelings need to be managed, and not just via HB's denial.
First of all congrats!!!! ::muah:::
Secondly, please call your doctor before the appointment if it will help reduce your stress. Sincerely, Sandy....you don't have to wait if you don't want to and it will make live a bit easier in the meantime.
Sandy I am glad to hear there has been no more spotting. I hope you don't see anymore at all. But if you do before Thursday then I would get my butt to the hospital and explain and ask for the ultrasound. I'm guessing you won't have any problems getting one.
I'm thinking of you.
Krista
Thanks everyone. It's now Monday morning and I've had a little bit more brownish spotting this morning. No big cramps though. I appreciate all the advice re: ultrasound. Unfortunately the only way for me to get one is to go through our local emergency department and their machine is very poor. Been there and done that a few times. HB is telling me exactly the same thing as Ollie said here - it's normal; there are no other issues at this time; take care of myself and try not to stress.
So....I will keep an eye on things, going to emergency if I really feel the need to, but trying to keep it cool until Thursday morning when I can see my Dr. I need to see her to get the referral to the peri-natal clinic since it's been over a year since I was last there. Just how our system works here (don't have to like it but do have to live with it).
I'll write more about HB's reaction in another post. I didnt' really explain it right here.
Thanks again and to quote Cecily - NBHHY.
Oh and Grins? That was a wicked evil laugh hehehe
Hey I am a newbie, so HI!
I have been through what you have, 2 miscarriages and then 2 healthy childen (17 and 18 now, not babies anymore!) Anytway I understand your fear and worries. Its hard not to worry. I am glad things are better today. Keep us posted!
Phew glad everything is feeling normal today.
Good thoughts coming to you from across the pond.
Sandy, I hope that Spot goes away. There is nothing that shakes the soul more than that, especially having gone through early pregnancy loss before.
Hope you get a nice reassuring ultrasound. Hugs to you and hubby.
Sandy,
How frightening for you.
They tell you not to stress about it, but how can you not?
Everything terrified me like that.
But, then again, you must have a positive attitude.
Tell the world, yes I AM having this baby.
God Bless~
Ack I can imagine how stressful this is! A co-worker of mine is pg after 5+ years of IF treatments - she had cramping for a couple of weeks and a few days of brownish spotting - all normal. She's just passed her first trimester and all is well. So don't give up all hope hon
*hugs*
I came here from Cecily's blog. I'm crossing my fingers & praying that everything will be alright with you and the baby. I wish you all the best! NBHHY!
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