So...not much is new. I've had a very uneventful week. No bleeding. Minimal spotting. Oh my...the joys of discussing thy inner workings with the internet!
I'm exhausted. Seriously. I'm taking two hour naps when I come home from work. I'm working really hard to eat balanced meals and snacks throughout the day. HB won't let me stretch to put a dish away, nor will he let me pick anything up. If you knew me, you'd know that I don't do the helpless maiden thing well. Either I will get extremely used to this and turn into a huge sow who refuses to do anything but chew, or I will get extremely pissed at this and lift something huge out of revenge.
I did something yesterday that was extremely brave or extremely stupid. (Oh...and apparently pregnancy has reduced my vocabulary...removing all adjectives but the word extremely). Anyhow. I bought maternity clothes.
Stupid? Brave? Hopeful? Not sure. I was at the mall, and found myself brave enough to wander into the store. They had such nice stuff. And this sales chick? I hope she's on commission because she was awesome. I had no intention of even trying anything on, let alone buying anything. Although I had been thinking that it would be nice to get a few things at a time and just put them away.....just in case. Somehow we got into a conversation and I found myself telling her that we were being cautious because of our history. Very tactfully she said they had a full return and refund policy.
I walked out of there with 8 tops and a gift card for $50 off my next purchase.
What the hell am I doing?
And through it all, I'm trying to be happy. But inside, if I'm really really starkly honest, I have this recurring thought that there is really no baby in there. That I'm going to go for the next ultrasound and they will say "ahhhh sac's empty. So sorry." I feel like I have two little creatures on my shoulders .... the evil one on my left shoulder whispering that I'm losing my mind and don't deserve this .... and the beautiful, sweet one on my right shoulder, softly stroking my cheek and telling me that my time has finally come. I just don't know which one will win out.