The bloody aftermath

Saturday sucked. I knew that things were starting when I got up, but because all of our previous miscarriages were either so early that it was more like a heavy period, or so late that a d&c was required, I had no idea what to expect with this one.

So we got up, got dressed and headed to the rink to watch Frodo play hockey. I got about 30 minutes into it and realized that I needed to get out of the rink. I waited in the truck while they finished up, and got home just in time.

I spent the day between the washroom, bathtub and bed. The pain was beyond my expectations. I got relief when I was hanging off the edge of the bed, throwing up into the garbage can and HB was rubbing my lower back. Of course, being the arse that I am, I had turned down pain medication at the ER the day before because I wasn't in pain. I've never been known for my foresight.

I actually don't remember a whole lot about Saturday. HB said he called the duty doctor at one point because I was feverish and he thought that the pain just seemed to be too severe. He has always marvelled at my high pain threshold, so for him to say he felt it was too severe, it must have been bad. I don't feel like too much of a wimp anyhow - so even if it wasn't that severe, I love him for saying it. We decided to wait it out here at home instead of taking the duty doctor's advice to go to emergency. I couldn't imagine going through that in an emergency room waiting area, and although it sucked, I'm glad we stayed at home.

HB got me some gravol, and six tabs later, I got to sleep.

And basically slept until Sunday.

Figuring it was over with, we got dressed - me somewhat shakily - and went to Mass. Then we got in the truck and drove an hour to my parents' place for Thanksgiving dinner. I hadn't eaten since Saturday morning, and didn't have a big bunch to eat that night, but did get some turkey and veggies into me. After supper, I was in the washroom, washing my hands, when all of a sudden I felt as if I was peeing myself. I got onto the toilet just barely in time. I can't remember ever having seen that much blood before - it terrified me. That has happened two more times since. No warning - just a woosh and there it is.

I've been put off work for the week, and am being referred over to the early pregnancy complications clinic to see if a d&c is required.

I'm glad to be off work. I don't feel like facing people at all right now. I think it's hitting HB hard today. We were talking last night - this whole roller coaster ride of whether we can have kids or not have kids is taking a toll. We had both just adjusted to the thought of a very cool life with just Frodo and Mini-Me, whom we get to send away to their mother, giving us a good dose of adult time and activities, when this baby came along. Swing back quickly to adjusting to another plan for life. And then just as quickly, that is stolen from you.

He's been such a rock. I want to be a rock for him now - and let him know that we are going to be ok. I hope I can help him to believe that's the truth.