I went back to work on Monday. What a weird experience. I've been on assignment in another program area for over a year now, and it has not been a great experience. Interesting that this assignment is with an all women team, and yet only one actually came up to me and dealt with the miscarriage face on. The rest, including the team lead, didn't even say welcome back, I'm sorry, kiss my arse ... nothing.
My home team, which is primarily made up of men, sang a whole different tune. I was greeted warmly, welcomed back, asked how I was doing, and offered appropriate words of condolence.
Now - I have not been enjoying this assignment, and when it seemed (just for a nano second of insanity) that I might be leaving on a maternity leave at some point in the not too distant future, I went to my former team lead to ask how to go about securing my real job as the one that I would be returning to after the maternity leave. He suggested that we make a move to have me actually finish up the assignment now, so that I would be leaving from my home program area, and therefore returning to my home program area at the end of the maternity leave.
Well, we all know what happened to the need for said maternity leave. However, when I returned to work on Monday, my home program team lead came up to me and told me that I was still welcome to come back right away if I wanted.
If I wanted? I could have kissed that man! Not only had he dealt with all the senior administration about ending my current assignment, he found me an office (an OFFICE...no more cubicle dwelling!) and provided me with a carefully thought out description of the new assignment upon which I will be working. And it all starts on November 1st. November 1st! TWO more days in that other assignment!
I actually quite enjoyed the team and the team lead on this other assignment, and the work was very good work. There was just a huge communication issue about what the intended outcomes of the project I was working on were to be - and consequently I would file reports that no one would read, but everyone wanted results. I have to take responsibility for some of what happened, and have done so, but I'm really just wanting it to end. I am not feeling productive, challenged, stimulated or part of a team. I'm keen to go back to my program division, and to reunite with my home team.
I have also taken to treating myself to regular therapeutic massage. La-ti-da! We switched our health plan coverage from my work to HB's work plan, and part of his benefit package provides for 20 massages per 12 month period. That's one every three weeks, if you're counting, which I was indeed doing. But first, I had to use up the four remaining massages that were available under my plan! So I have been having a weekly massage since the miscarriage.
And as for Anna Banana? She is amazing. In no physical way could a person consider this 90 lb beauty a pup, but she is indeed a pup. She is almost scarey smart - trains so quickly. We adore her.
I had gained 4 lbs during the pregnancy. I went back to my weight loss program almost immediately after the miscarriage, and had only kept one of those pounds. That plus four more are now already gone. I'm on a roll - I feel healthy and in control.
So all in all, life is good here. One day at a time, and no more talk of babies. Not doing anything to actively prevent it - but I have a feeling that I don't have to worry about that anyhow. Now if I can just stay away from the Halloween chocolate bars this weekend, my life will be perfect.