Sarah and Abraham

I flew out of the province last Wednesday to attend a national conference, and just got back today. Even though I knew that if we had failed this cycle, I may need to begin the next round of clomid up there, I neglected to fill the prescription before leaving the province.

Naturally, I wake up Saturday morning and realize we have yet another failed attempt on our hands.

And then I panic. I'm 1600 kms away from home, and I haven't filled the prescription. Between calls to HB and the drugstore, I determine that I may be able to get it filled if I can find a pharmacy where I am, have them call my pharmacy at home, and then determine whether it's possible, but there was something with inter-provincial laws that the pharmacist at home wasn't sure about.

I went back into the conference, which was spiritual in nature. The next "event" was Mass. And what was the reading? The story of Sarah and Abraham, and how the Lord promised her a son, and she laughed. She doubted and laughed because she was old and barren.

And yet she had a son within that same year.

Now I know that the scriptures are not meant to be taken literally, but it did cause me to really reflect on what I'm doing here. That reflection led me to a place of peace with the decision I made the next morning. I decided not to try to fill the prescription for this month, and just see what happens. I've decided that I'm going to focus on remaining healthy, losing more weight, getting fit, and that I'm going to try to accept that what will be, will be. I'm not saying that I'm never going to fill the prescription again ~ but I am going to try to stop this obsessive behaviour. Having a baby is becoming a goal for me again ~ a destination. It's just not feeling right the last while.

I guess if we're meant to be like Sarah and Abraham, we'll find out soon enough.