I love this man!

Thank goodness for this blog! I swear it's what's going to keep my marriage healthy. I can come here, vent, get my thoughts and frustrations out and then go back into whatever the situation is composed.

We are going to be just fine. And thanks for all the support guys. As usual, Sarah was bang on in her comments. He is getting ready to make some changes. High on the list of changes is the place at which our marriage sits in his order of priorities. Believe it or not, that's where he was headed all the time ... we just have different ways of communicating about it with each other.

I think what happens for both of us is that we are so accustomed to serenity and peace these days, that when a blip appears on the serenity radar now and doesn't get handled right away, it appears to become a mountain. Back in the day, we were both so accustomed to traversing mountain peaks and valleys. Didn't feel like we were living if we didn't climb at least one mountain per day to plummet down into the depths of the valley! We wouldn't even have thought of staying put on the plains for a day ... where was the excitement in that??? Now...we love us them plains. We have erected a home on the plains, and put down roots. So when a dip in the plain appears, it confuses us.

We went to our regular community meeting on Wednesday night, and the speaker that night was obviously meant to speak directly to us! Love it when that happens. It's not so much what she said (she was telling her story) but rather that for both of us, we had this lightbulb moment. We weren't sitting together as we usually do at these meetings. HB was several rows behind me but we both had the moment at the same time.

We understood how far down we had been in our past, and from where we had been picked up. And as HB said when he spoke, he understood that the things he was looking at today as obstacles....obligations....irritants....were the very things he had lost at one point. Family, friends, jobs, community, status, respect, love.

We went home and had that overdue heart to heart. I told him about the buttons that had been pushed and how I had been beating myself up over my need to fix reaction. I also had to admit to feeling a bit of guilt, because when that 'just for a minute by mistake' guy was going through the depression, I didn't feel the need to fix. I just felt the frustration of being inconvenienced. As much as I hate to compare HB to that one, in moments like that there is good that comes out of such a comparison. I understand that I am truly and absolutely, sincerely in love with and loved back by this awesome man. That love is further evidenced in that we are both so willing to take the action that is needed to make our lives together the best that it can possibly be.

Let's just say that we're not sleeping with our backs to each other any longer. 'Nuff said.