Back to the Real World

Today is the last day of my month long vacation. I'm very reluctant to return to work. I've had such an amazing month, and feel like a totally new person. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out a way to have someone deposit money into my bank account every second week so I can just continue living this good life without the stress of the job, but thus far, I haven't been successful in finding a legal way of making that happen.

This month off has been amazing for lots of reasons. I've spent most of it hanging out with my husband and the kids at the paddling club. Although I'm not physically at the point where I would feel comfortable learning to paddle yet (ok...mostly because I'm afraid my arse would get wedged in those teeny tiny boats and would require the jaws of life to get me out...), I've really enjoyed being a spectator and cheerleader this summer. It's helped my relationship with the kids immensely. They now see me as someone who is interested and able to participate in what they do ~ not just that woman that tries to steal time with their father. I've also come to know some of the people that HB paddles with, and have realized that, just like Sally Fields, they like me...they really like me!

I've spent a lot of time with HB. We've had time to talk, dream, laugh, walk, and continue to build this amazing friendship that we have going on. God, I love this man. He is incredible. Yesterday I was at the club watching him race in a master's regatta. Not only is he amazing to look at - he's fun to be around. People love him. He's just one of those very nice guys, you know? The women at the club were joking with me, saying how they all fight to be his kayak partner. And they do fight with each other! It's really funny to watch, but so cool to know that he picked me to be his life partner. Having him in my life just reminds me that good things do come to those who wait.

Speaking of which, I had two interesting encounters of the infertility kind yesterday.

The first was when I went to the mailbox and cleared it out. One of the devotional books that we read was there, and on the cover was a description of the inside story of one woman's experience of infertility. It was as if a message was being sent directly to me.

Later that day at the regatta, a wife of one of the other paddlers came over to sit with me ... bringing along their 3 year old son. We got chatting about kids, work, families ... the usual small talk stuff. Suddenly she begins to share her story of the 15 years of infertility that they lived through before giving birth to their little guy at age 41. When she was finished, she just looked at me and said "man, where did THAT come from???" Do you think that we sometimes just have infertile-radar and instinctively know each other?

I made the decision to remain off the clomid again this month, and just give my body a break. I know I could be doing so many things to assist with achieving pregnancy, but I really am feeling like I just need to chill for a bit. I'm going to continue charting ... mostly because I'm curious now more than anything ... but I'm shifting my energies to continuing to get myself physically and mentally healthy. I'm loving this space that I'm in, and I'm really enjoying taking care of myself physically. The weight is continuing to come off .... slowly ... but it's coming off. I'm walking on a regular basis. I'm relaxed. Hey! I'm relaxed! Doesn't that mean I'll get pregnant now????

So yeah, life is good today.