I jumped

My period arrived with a whimper yesterday but it's continued with a vengence today. Although my cycles are getting longer, my periods seem to be getting heavier and worse for the first day or two of each one. Makes me wonder if I'm peri-menopausal.

So even though it sucks that yet again, we were not successful in trying to conceive, for some reason I'm not as sad at it's arrival this month. This last week was not a good one for me. I really was in a funk of some kind, and it peaked in a big way on Wednesday. Everything came together all at once to just push me over the edge.

Work has just been unbelievable of late ~ lack of shared vision; too many masters at the helm; too many heads up arses. I went back to the office on Wednesday, and my direct supervisor was the one responsible for pushing me off the edge of the cliff on which I was already standing. I actually must remember to thank him for that push, because it spurred me to action. I've been contemplating moving out of this department for a while now, and his actions on Wednesday convinced me that now is the time to move. I am part of a succession planning leadership development program that our government is running right now, and they have been pushing the six of us who are involved to consider accepting assignments that would be outside of our comfort zone. I was a bit reluctant to do this because of everything else that is going on in my life right now, but Wednesday convinced me that I'd rather be somewhere, developing my leadership qualities and being outside of my comfort zone, than here working for a male chauvinist who doesn't give a shit about the department I'm responsible for running.

Then I came home yesterday to find supper cooked, the house cleaned, and a huge bouquet of flowers on the table for me. My husband said he just felt that I needed a pick me up. How much do I love that man??? I haven't shared the start of the period news with him yet. We have a dinner date scheduled for tonight, and then we're going out to hear a friend's band at a local pub. Guess I better break the news before we leave the house! I think the fact that our appointment at the clinic is scheduled for next week is cushioning both us right now.

I guess I realized this week that I can't keep putting my life on hold because of the "mights" in our world ... I might get pregnant; I might get a better job; either hubby or I might go back to school for a masters degree; we might not be able to afford this or that.....might is a word that has been holding me back. I have to get back to living in the moment...the day....and just handling whatever comes along. And I need to jump off the cliff more often.