One slightly used husband to give away....

You guys are great ... I really appreciate the supportive comments about my brother's death. I have to say that this particular anniversary hit me harder than most of them have for some reason. I've been very focused on mortality of late. It's all a bit morbid really, but I guess it's to be expected as we get older.

And on top of being morbid....I'm quite cranky these days. HB and I just had a fight. Well, what passes as a fight for us. We're very polite with each other actually. I'm pissed at him, and his kids. Yes I said his kids.

We are all way too busy. This life is ripping past us at warp speed. HB is physically incapable, I believe, of saying no to anyone who asks him to do something. Plus he really does need to work out on a regular basis or he gets cranky and tired. The one that he is most incapable of saying no to is Frodo, and that is causing some real problems between us.

He has so much on his plate right now and won't stop saying yes to things. Actually, he had to bow out of our "fight" before it was resolved because he had said yes to our neighbour's request to help move some furniture.

Anyhow, we always have Frodo and Mini-Me on Wednesday nights. In all the years we've been doing that, HB has never gone out to tae kwan do on that night. But last night, when I asked what his plans were for the evening ... really only making conversation so sure was I that the answer was "hanging out here with the kids" ... he surprised me by saying that he was taking Frodo to an 8:30 p.m. tae kwan do class.

Danger Wil Roger...danger! First of all, Frodo is 10 years old and this is a school night. Secondly, Frodo has this brother called Mini-Me who does not go to tae kwan do, is 8 years old and also has school the next day. Thirdly (but obviously least important) there's the wicked step-munster (that would be me) who has been working her ass off in this masters program and had planned to closet herself in the upstairs bedroom to study while HB hung out with his kids.

Silly ass me for making plans! Instead, I got to stay home with the 8 year old, who of course was not going to go to bed before his brother and father got home because that would just be unfair. Now his father had said to just leave him in the living room watching tv while I did my studying. I couldn't do it ... mostly because he would surf and watch every inappropriate show he could find but also because it just didn't seem right to leave an 8 year old, you know, sitting alone in the living room until 10 p.m. on a school night!!!!!

They arrived home at 10 p.m. and I just went upstairs without saying a word. I got up this morning and left before the craziness of tired, cranky kids responding to a tired, cranky father got going.

When I got home today, there's a message from one of HB's bandmates saying they picked up a gig for next Friday night. When I mentioned the message, HB responded with "yeah...he got me on my cell. I told him I'd do it". Now, it's important to note that HB also has a standing meeting on Saturdays that keeps him tied up from about 8 a.m. to 1 p.m. On the weekends that the kids are here, I hang out with them (read "no school work gets done by Sandy on Saturdays" here) and get the pleasure of taking Frodo to his hockey game where I get the further pleasure of sitting with their mother for an hour.

Silly ass me again ... having the nerve to point out that we have the kids that weekend, and then to inquire as to whether he had factored that into his decision.

His response? "I'll get my mother to come stay with them here for a few hours. I don't want the kids to become a resentment to you."

WTF??? That pushed every guilt button I have! But somewhere today I must have found a spine because I didn't pull my usual back down and give in behaviour. And thus the "fight". I had to explain to him that it wasn't the kids that were becoming a resentment to me...it was his assumption that I was their babysitter and that he could just do what he wanted when they were here. I also pointed out that I was pretty sure, as cool as I am and all, that it wasn't me that the kids came here to see on those weekends. And finally, I pointed out that I'm already having to deal with the guilt of being here on the occasional day when his mother arrives to clean our house (which we pay her to do ... it was the only way we could get her to take the money she needed to make her monthly car payment after she lost her little job she had) and that I sure as hell was not going to sit here in my own home, trying to study through the guilt of having my mother in law come babysit the kids.

I'm really feeling at the end of a number of ropes here tonight. Truly. The end of a few ropes. Ever tried to walk on egg shells while carrying the end of your rope?