I was reading this post at Julie's the other day. I wanted to post a comment there, but then realized I didn't know what to say that wouldn't sound like I was whining or bitching.
Because I think what happened for me when I read her post was that I realized...
I have given up hope.
I have given up hope that I will conceive and carry a healthy baby to term that will actually grow up as my son or daughter.
I have indeed given up hope.
I have even begun to realize that perhaps I'm entering menopause. I applied my Google U skills and found this website that lists 35 symptoms. Of the 35, I have experienced 12 with some regularity in recent months.
This sucks.
11 comments:
It's so hard, isn't it?
I have a friend - so newly pregnent her due date is literally 9 months away - who now has one of those baby ticker things on her blog. I had to unsub. I can't stand to see that every day.
And what can you say without sounding jealous or bitter or ugly? Something that won't ruin her good mood or happiness? Not much at all. So, like you, I chose to simply stay quiet. And I quietly unsubbed from her blog.
I don't know that it's right - or wrong - in the grand scheme of things. I only know that it's right for me.
Which is all you can do. Decide what's right for you ... and do it.
I wish I could say not to give up hope. I wish I could utter the words that would heal and make it better.
But I can't. All I can say is that I understand and that you are not alone.
I scored a 12 out of 35 too.
Is it easier on ourselves to just Give Up? Sometimes I think giving up is definately the less painful option. Hanging on to hope yet living with continual failure and smashed dreams is without a doubt more agonising.
Shit, I think I'm nearly with you on the "giving up wagon".
Giving up all this heartache. I am not making light of your pain at all darling, I just truly agree with you.
Shit! I got 15!
Dude, that website can suck it!
Can I ask...when was the last time you had your FSH tested?
I hope your body is just messin' with you and it has NOTHING to do with meno...because meno can suck it too! ((HUGS))
I was thinking about this last night -
Most of those symptoms will strike just about any woman at any given time, especially those of us with fertility issues. I have several of those and I know I'm not in early meno. If I didn't know better, it would have freaked me out too!
Have your levels checked and go by that. Don't let an odd web site scare you.
It's been a year since I had my FSH checked and I was good at that time...can't recall the numbers. If I checked my blog archives I'm sure I posted since I seem to spew every other personal detail of my life here...
Also, I didn't mean to imply that I had any problem at all with Julie's post. Just that it really gave me pause for thought. I have now posted in her comments, and sincerely mean it when I say I'm happy for her and always in awe by her continued tact and sensitivity toward those of us who are still on the road.
Sandy, don't let that website freak you out. Most of us have had some of those symptoms at some point. You are pretty young to be menopausal.
I've asked this before, and you didn't answer so I'll assume that you don't want to say, but it's hard to know what to write without it, so I'll ask again. Why are you not using ART? It is hard to get pregnant 'naturally' at 42, but if your FSH was good a year ago, ART might still be an ok option. Clearly you've decided against but I'm not sure why.
Hi Thalia:
My husband and I decided that the most invasive procedure we would use beyond clomid was perhaps an IUI. Our system is slightly different where I live I think...from what I read on other blogs. In any case, when I discussed it as an option with the fertility clinic, I was told that the chances of success with IUI in my case were very slim. We decided not to pursue it.
It sucks big time.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
I came in slightly under Tiff at 14, but I already know I'm in perimenopause so that's no big shocker. This is exactly why I decided to stay on BCPs after my doc put me on to try to calm some of the nastier symptoms: I just couldn't deal with the not knowing for the next 5 years, month after month. Some might think its a copout, but its the only way I could continue to function. You will do what's right for you.
I got you all beat--20 out of 35. :(
I guess I've given up hope too.
I have no words to comfort you, though I wish I did. I am so sorry. So incredibly sorry.
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