Sweaters, Smoking and Dawg Sitting

This has been the longest long weekend! With HB a gazillion miles away, and no kids around, even the dawgs have been low key. Even most of my neighbours have gone away for the weekend, which has made the street, which of late has been a zoo, tranquil and quiet. As a matter of fact, this morning I am the official dog watcher for two of my neighbours. I've already lost one dog, and stepped in poop twice.

I connected with a girlfriend whom I haven't seen in a few months, which was nice. I cleaned out our bedroom closet and got three bags of clothing picked up by Big Brothers/Big Sisters. HB's Mr.Rogers sweaters went in the bags. For a cool guy, he's got some wonky taste in certain things ~ I'm going to choose to believe that Knothead bought those sweaters for him. No matter, they're history now.

But mostly I battled my mind about smoking. I got it into my head that I wanted a cigarette this weekend. No, not just "a" cigarette. I wanted to smoke. I wanted to sit on my back deck, in this perfect weather, watch the stars and smoke. And I wanted it to taste good, not affect my breathing, or make me stink. Geeze ~ I'm starting to see how unrealistic I am about so many things. I want to conceive and have the pregnancy stick around. I want to lose 40 or 50 lbs. I want to get promoted at work. And I want to be able to smoke with no ill effects.

I'm ashamed to say that I gave in. Twice. On Friday I went to the store and bought a little pack. I got home, lit up and took three drags before I thought "what the hell am I doing?". I butted it out, and proceeded to break up and throw out every one of the remaining 19 smokes.

And that was fine. Until yesterday after supper. Off I go again to the store, and buy another small pack. I sat on the deck, in this perfect weather, enjoying the quiet and smoked three this time.

And I stunk. And I felt a tightness in my throat almost right away. So I tore up the remaining 17 and threw them out too.

So I spent $20 for 4 cigarettes. But worse, I gave in to a head game and almost let it win! I'm in that two week waiting period, so who the hell knows? After all my whining, I could be pregnant...not likely...but why did I take the chance? I forced myself to go on line and google about smoking until I could find something to motivate me. And what I found wasn't pretty. I found this . I have printed it off and am going to keep it with me, to remember the poor man, but also to remind myself that it could be me.

That's it. HB is not allowed to go away any more. I'm too immature to stay on my own!