Isn't it time for a positive post from Sandy? Why yes, yes it is!
Let's get the big surprise over with first.
Let's get the big surprise over with first.
I'm not pregnant this month.
Yes I know. I'm as shocked as you, but oh well. I'll just relax (pamprin helps immensely with the relaxing thing) and continue moving on.
I know I've said it before but as the months go on, I am actually becoming increasingly at peace with knowing that we will not have a child of our own. Mini-Me and Frodo are consuming more and more time, energy and space. I think that we are being called to focus on these two little guys, and I'm finding more patience to do so and to be present to them of late.
My big dawg is on the mend. We had a completely poop free night last night (yay!). When HB came in to the room to wake me, the first thing I asked was whether Big Dawg had had a good night. HB answered yes, and that he had been up three times during the night to let him out. The funny thing is that I had also been up three times to let him out! The poor buggar - didn't have a chance to sleep let alone think about pooping in the house! The vet gave him some medication yesterday that we've used on him in the past when this has happened. The last time it worked within 24 hours. Seems like that's the case again this time. It will be nice to have them back around the upstairs of the house instead of in the basement full time. Our dusty rose carpets just couldn't handle any more though! I had them cleaned last week and we're working hard to keep them that way for a few days anyhow. You can sure tell that I bought this house as a single woman - dusty rose carpets - even I laugh at myself now as I watch two dawgs, two kids and countless neighbour kids tromp through this place with hockey sticks, skateboards, roller blades and the like!
My voice is making a come back ... both literally and figuratively. Literally in that yesterday I actually was able to speak out loud and be heard, without too much cracking or leaving of said voice.
Figuratively because within hours of the last post, HB and I sat at the kitchen table and had one of our amazing heart to hearts. Even though I express great frustration here at times, I fall a little more in love with this man every day. I was able to tell him quite honestly that I didn't always feel able to express to him my need for time with him because I know how pulled he is with everyone else drawing on his time, but that I needed him to make me and us a priority. I know that these are old tapes that play for me - this fear that by telling someone what I really need, they will pick up and leave. He has never demonstrated that result to me. We have discussions (just like we do with the kids) that 'no' or 'sorry' is sometimes a possible answer, but that answer is no reflection of our love for each other.
This living in a healthy relationship is confusing at times! It can sometimes be so much easier to revert to familiar, unhealthy dance steps ... but when your partner insists on leading the right way, you only end up tromping on toes with those bad steps. I'm glad I'm learning to dance properly. And what a dance ... what an amazing dance!
4 comments:
I am so glad that your dawg is doing better. Your dusty rose carpets have me cringing, you need dirt color carpets like I have (maybe they weren't always dirt color?).
Your last paragraph is so very true. My husband has been through marriage and divorce and sometimes I find he is much wiser than I am. I joke around and say that a divorced husband is like getting dog from the pound - they don't require as much training as a puppy.
I have the opposite as Jenny -- I've been through divorce and this is my husband's first marriage. I find he has far less baggage. I always expect the worst in people and he's never shown me that. We are very lucky.
Hi. Glad Dawg is doing better, too. It's so hard when they get sick. Although we haven't given up TTC, there's something in my heart that tells me babies are not in the cards for me. I am also becoming increasingly more comfortable with the idea. Perhaps it's just a defense mechanism, but DH and I sometime freak out at the prospect of giving up all our time, energy, and money. I've come to look at my life as a bigger picture. Although sometimes I'd like to kill DH, he is a wonderful partner, and that alone makes me incredibly lucky.
Eliza.....I'm giddy!
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