I've posted on a few blogs lately and found myself actually admitting that infertility has kicked my ass and won. It's true.
The fight is over for me. In fact, over to the point that I am now thinking I need to speak to my doctor about preventing pregnancy. Ironic, no?
The fact of the matter is that in a few short weeks I will be turning 44 years old. I have decided that I although I would love to experience pregnancy, I am not sure I'm ready to adapt to having a baby. I know it's a true miracle when a baby actually results from a pregnancy, but the reality is that is always a possible outcome when one does manage to become pregnant.
Even HB has admitted in the last few months that he enjoys his peace and quiet, and the freedom that we have when Frodo and Mini-Me go back to their mother's house.
I know I've said before that I'm done with this journey, but somehow this time, it feels real. I still haven't fully taken the step to connect with the doctor about prevention, but I think I will be doing so soon.
So it's probably time to remove me from your fertility related blogroll. I'll probably continue to blog, but about far more mundane matters. Like the previous post. And since you're obviously hanging on the edge of your seat about my basement declutter outcome, I'll let you know. It's still i
n exactly the same shape. We haven't moved a thing. There. Feel better?
n exactly the same shape. We haven't moved a thing. There. Feel better?I might blog about the loves of my life - my dawgs. In fact, expect that. And I will still obsessively stalk people like Ollie and Julia and Julianna and DinoD and Tiff - all for different yet common reasons. Different in terms of what their current paths are, but common in that these women have inspired, journeyed, cried and laughed with me over the past few years. I'll also regularly haunt people like Cecily and Sarah because I really do want to be their friends in real life and live in awe of their tattoos which I've always been too chicken to get myself.
I also might blog about my new interest in healthy living, and the fact that I've lost almost 30 lbs and 16.6 inches since joining the gym. Count on me regularly talking about my amazing husband and how gobsmacked I remain that we managed to find each other in this big world and so late in our lives, and how eternally grateful for that I remain.
But I suspect my blogging about baby desires are over. It's been a blast.
9 comments:
don't be a stranger friend. I live in envy of your relationship with your husband. Keep at that, it's so very important. Congrats on the 30lbs. I'll get over to your neck of the woods one of these days.
Different category, but I'm still reading.
I'd love to hear more about your weight loss, too. I've lost the same, but it is thyroid-related, so I feel like it was sort of cheating. I need to do more on my own.
Something about 44 drew a line for me, too.
There is life (and blogging) after IF! Welcome to the other side. And I don't mean that flippantly.
Sweet sandy, you were my first ever commenter, and I'm not about to stop reading because your journey is changing. I'll be here whichever direction you go in.
You cruel and heartless wench - when I saw the title of this post I thought you were going to stop blogging. Okay, okay, I think I've calmed down now.
My husband and I are also at that point where (after whatever happens currently), we will be preventing any more pregnancies. So strange after battling infertility for years but it's a relief to know that life doesn't end with or without motherhood.
Can I vote for more dawg news?
Take care Sandy
DinoD
I want to say that I am sorry but it sounds like you are at peace with your decision so I don't think there is a need to be sorry. I won't stop reading, we have alot more in common then just infertility. Heck, I'll be back just for the dog pictures. I didn't realize that you had a rotti too? It's funny when the rotti is the "small dog" in the house.
I've said it before and I'll reiterate - I found you because of the infertility link, but I keep coming back because of the person behind the blog, you. So I won't be going anywhere.
Since I haven't walked in your shoes, I can't say I truly understand how you feel. But I can say without hesitation that I admire you for coming to this decision... or even for nearing the decision.
My neighbors are about your age. After years of trying, they decided they weren't meant to be parents and went on with their lives. They are making money hand-over-fist in careers they love. They have plans practically every week end and free night. And they enjoy their friends' kids without any hint of jealousy, knowing they can return them at the first hint of a stinky diaper or crying.
Then, last year, she had an ectopic pregnancy - not realizing she was even pregnant until she was at the hosptial from the pain. A few months later, she was pregnant again. This time she miscarried. Instead of feeling like they were finally able to get pregnant and trying again, they decided to get a vasectomy for him and put an end to the uncertainty forever.
I admire them to no end because they are so clearly happy with the great life they've made for themselves. I wish for you that same sort of peace, whatever form it takes.
And yeah, dog posts are cool.
This may be the end of a journey, but it's also the beginning of another. A much happier, brighter journey. I am so glad that you will keep blogging.
and yeah... dig puppy dog stories too!
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