The new year is almost upon us. I'm not one of those who feels compelled to make resolutions for change in a new year. Anymore, that is. But I do find that this time of year encourages me to engage in reflection.

Lately I have been reflecting on how grateful I am to have the life I live today. For years I journalled, and although I have since thrown those journals out, I often reread entries to the point that they are still etched into my memory. Those entries were most often filled with anger, frustration, pain and emptiness at how disappointed I had allowed others to make me. One of the reasons I have been engaged in this reflection is that I am realizing how completely happy I am in my relationship with HB. He has always said we could have fun in a ditch together....and it's true. He's just so easy to be with - it's not work. In the past, it was always work, and I allowed my happiness to be fully reliant upon another person. Not so much anymore, and HB often tells me that he is having the exact same experience. We just bring about the best in each other, and are happy to see growth, energy, interests, and activities in the other person's life. Holy cow ... we almost sound healthy!

I had a whole post composed that focused on Knothead and her manipulation of the last while. She is a highly negative person who thrives on drama and misery. I erased the seven paragraphs I had written about her and her recent hijinks because I realized that all I was doing was taking her inventory. Instead, I am choosing to focus on the happiness that I experience in my life today, and how grateful I am that I no longer require the drama and hijinks in my life to feel alive.

I am so grateful that I have experienced enough happiness and health to understand that the only person I can change at all is myself. I'm delighted with my husband. I feel no need to change him - well, except maybe the way he piles belongings on every flat surface in our home, but that's not really changing him now is it?

I may not be able to experience being a mom through my own biological child, but I have begun to experience the joys and trials of being a mom through Frodo and Mini-Me. As a matter of fact, Mini-Me and I had a bit of a set-to yesterday that resulted in an actual consequence, and yet today it was like nothing at all had happened. That's major progress for us. A year ago, that would have been good for at least three days of ignoring me. I'm grateful for that progress. I'm grateful for those two guys and their presence in my life.

My mother recently turned 75. I'm so grateful that both my parents are still here to enjoy life with me. My father absolutely adores HB. When they get together, it's like watching two little boys play. HB brings out the best in my father. I hear my dad laugh in ways that I haven't heard in years when we're together. They call each other just to say hi. I love that.

So ... although 2005 didn't yield me some of the things I wanted, I'm still pretty damn lucky. No resolutions for 2006, although I am still working on those next 20 lbs being gone and I want to learn to kayak this year. No resolutions - but I do absolutely plan to remain happy, healthy and engaged in bringing out the best in the love of my life.

Happy New Year ~ may 2006 bring out the best in you.