Deep Thoughts...though not by Jack Handy

I'm feeling quite introspective today. No sign of any natural ovulation in this, the third month clomid-free. I play with the electronic chart, adding temps in for the next few days to see what I would have to will my body to do to have it show ovulation. How sick is that?

This morning a coworker whom I adore came over for a chat. I'm in yet another new space in the building, although this one I quite like - have a quiet corner with a window and pretty much by myself most of the time. So she pops in once in a while for a chat and to help me fight the lonelies. HB actually teaches her grandchildren....and I recently sent her daughter home a book that had helped me through a step-parenting situation.

She begins talking about her daughter, and her twin grandsons. Then shares the journey of getting to the birth of these two little guys, which happened at 31 weeks. One was never expected to make it at all, and required bowel surgery three months after his birth, but is a happy, thriving 16 month old today. These babes were born after three miscarriages, and at age 38.

I want this story to give me hope. Especially when I read what Bugs and Jen are experiencing right now. There are so many changes in the blogging community of late, many because of positive outcomes. Seeing Grrl's last entry has really moved me.

But not much is giving me hope about actually achieving my goal of giving birth to my own child. Not today. And I'm almost starting to be ok with that, in an odd sort of way. Perhaps beginning the downward trek to my 43rd birthday is helping that along...I don't know.