God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
I'm not used to posting about my psychotic behaviour, and rereading the last two posts makes me really uncomfortable. I've become so used to my world, with the exception of infertility, being relatively stable so the least little bump now seems like a major mountain to me. And I'm grossly embarrassed about my behaviour of the last few days. I think my meltdown is over as I woke up this morning with a whole new outlook and feeling. Thanks for all the support and advice. HB and I are back on even ground again ... we are very blessed to have the solid, faith centered marriage that we have ... even when I do try to trash it. By last night we were able to joke about it with each other ~ and I can see a standing line coming on now from him every time he is his normal, nice self to any woman. He started it last night by assuring me at least three times while he was talking about stuff that had happened during his day, some of which involved talking to other women, that he was NOT having an affair with each of those other women. What can I say? I earned that one. I'll have to think of another way to torture him. I'm sure I'll come up with something.
Anyhow, onto other things. This may be old to some folks, but I found this amazing presentation on line through a message board I just joined this morning. I would love to email it to our family and friends. I don't know who Susan Robinson is, but I love her for putting in images and words what my heart feels! I particularly like the last few slides ~ we don't know what the path to resolution is yet, but it will be resolved. That is so much how I feel. I know that some reading my description of the visit to the clinic yesterday would think that I am not engaging in enough treatment or being assertive enough in pursuing other options, but for us, it's what I needed to hear yesterday. I have been undergoing fertility treatment and testing off and on since 1995. I'm ready for the journey to end, one way or the other. HB and I had made a decision before we went to the clinic last year that we would not go beyond medication. I guess I'm lucky in many ways because for us, it's more about creating a child together than it is about having a family. We already have a family. Frodo and Mini-Me might not have been carried under my heart, but they are children of and in my heart. I also do have faith that there is a plan for me in this life. I just don't always have the patience needed to wait until it's revealed.
It's Canada Day weekend here. We're busy with paddling regattas and bbq's all weekend, and I'm really looking forward to it. Then one more full week of work and I'm off on a month of vacation. I can't wait. Frodo and Mini-Me left early this morning for a little vacation to the eastern states with their mother, so we won't have them around until mid next week. We're going to engage in adult behaviours all weekend, and catch up with some friends that we haven't seen nearly enough of over the last few months.
In the "change the things I can" department, I rejoined Weight Watchers on Tuesday evening and have been following the core plan. According to the scale at the clinic yesterday and my own home scale this morning, it appears that I'm already down between 6 to 8 lbs ... unbelievable! I'll wait to see what the scale actually says next Tuesday at my meeting, but I'll take any downward motion at this point ... I am in control of my weight and body image ... and plan to exercise that control! I also invested in the most comfortable pair of Reebok walking shoes the other day and have been loving those. Makes my evening walk so much nicer.
Happy long weekend!
7 comments:
Happy Canada Day!
I visited your country in 2003 and I absolutely loved it. Thanks for checking in on me & I'm really pleased your little meltdown has now settled. Lucky your man can see the lighter side! We all need a melt down every now & then. You owe it to yourself. Us Pisceans do not flip out over nothing & our gentle nature sometimes belies the shark within!
I stumbled onto your blog from someone else's blog. I just wanted to let you know that I'm happy that you and your husband are doing better. I'm happy that Weight Watchers is working for you and I'm glad that you and your husband will have some time to yourselves this weekend.
Thank you for clarifying the info on the treatments. I get so frustrated when I think I see someone not being given all the options they deserve. Not that it's any of my business, but I'm sure you can understand.
Hey Angela...no problem on the clarification! Thanks for taking time to read and comment - it has really helped the last few days.
So happy that things are looking a bit better. Well done for having the discipline re weight watchers. I hope that's a loss that's sustained.
Sandy -
I can't believe I finally get to say this....
Happy Canada Day
I have never wished anyone that in my life. That's awesome.
Glad things are going well. We all hit those types of bumps every now and then.
A month of vacation? Wow!
Thanks for the serenity reminder! I'm so glad you are doing better - you sound better!
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