The times they have a-changed

So yesterday I'm writing a tra-la-la I'm so happy post. And I am happy with my personal and home life and marriage.

Now my job? Completely different story today. I usually don't write about work as I'm never too sure who is out there reading, and I do know that I have at least one colleague who is on the infertility journey as well. I've heard her reference "research" on the web. Well, my best research on infertility has almost always largely consisted of blogs written by women who are living it, so I suspect she reads blogs as well. Maybe she even has one of her own ... who knows?

It's ironic that I've just prefaced what I'm here to write about today by saying that some of the best research I've come across is written by people who are living it. Because today at work the news that I will not be considered for any further advancement was given to me. The reason? I do not have a completed university degree.

I'm living out the Donald Trump book smart vs street smart experience. And now that I think of it, it was the cute little book smart chick that won the job interview last night, wasn't it? Mind you, she did do a better job than the street smart chick and showed much more diplomacy, so I think she was the best hire.

However, in my case (and yes of course I'm biased) I don't agree with the rationale that book smarts always trumps (ha!) street smarts.

To be told that I will not even be given the courtesy of an interview based on the lack of completed degree hurts. I think I'm especially hurt because I have been with this employer in one position or another for 15 years now. For the duration of my time there, I have been advancing progressively, despite my apparent educational disability. I have consistently and willingly taken on additional responsibilities without compensation in order to prove that I have the skills required to advance to another level. I have worked hard, am well respected, have written major pieces of policy and been involved with leading some fairly significant projects in my time.

The most senior person in my work place has been very supportive of me over the past few years. Through that support, I've been provided with some developmental opportunities, all of which are designed to deal with succession management planning and have as their goal development of competencies required to perform at an executive level.

In fact, for the last two and a half years, I was asked to assume the duties and title ("act") in a position that is at an equivalent management level of two of the jobs for which I had recently applied. And the person for whom I was acting is also educationally disabled - just like me - yet he has the position without the degree. I like and respect that person a lot, but have to note with some irony that he has even less education than I and when I return to my home position, I will be reporting to him.

And today I am told it's nothing personal, but without the degree I will not advance. I was fine to act at that level for over two years without appropriate compensation, but (gasp) we couldn't possibly consider you for that level position.

I am unbelievably hurt and pissed off. Although I was mentally prepared that I would really have to prove myself in an interview, I didn't expect to be told I wouldn't even be given that chance. I'm also feeling a bit ambushed. I am the kind of person who likes to be prepared for things, and I am always in control of my emotions. I do not cry in public, and it almost physically hurts me when I feel like I might lose that emotional control.

I know that the bearer of this news felt like it was the right thing to do ~ to deliver it in person to me ~ but how the meeting was set up and how it all went down just gobsmacked me. I got an untitled electronic appointment. When I called to inquire about the purpose of the meeting, her secretary told me she had no other information. I arrived for the meeting this morning, walked in and saw a representative from Human Resources sitting there, along with a senior member of the staff team. I joked that I wondered if I was getting my pink slip.

I appreciate that they were trying to be supportive, but I could not get out of there fast enough before the tears started to fall. I packed up, came home to lick my wounds and to consider my options.

I can continue with the application process to a degree program, and invest thousands and thousands of dollars, along with a whole shit load of time to get a piece of cow skin for my office wall. I've been working on the application package for a while now, and was planning to apply for the Jan '06 term. Yet another irony - it's a masters level program that allows candidates to prove competency at an undergraduate level by creating a learning portfolio that draws on professional and life experience. So I can prove to a fucking university panel of professors who have never met me that I can operate at a Master's level without a completed undergrad degree, but not to the people who have been working with me for 15 years that this is the case. Of course, as I was told today, it's not personal. It's an HR policy.

I'm leaning toward a life is too short to be obsessed about work thing right now. I'm leaning toward just saying fuck it all, ending my developmental placement (which ironically enough involves leading the employee recognition program) now and returning to my home position. There will be no financial loss in it for me. I can do the job with my eyes closed, although it bores the shit out of me. But I can do the job between 8:30 and 4:30, resolve to take on nothing else, and leave at the end of the day. I've certainly seen many a staff person hit that wall throughout my career. I just never thought that I would be one of them.

It's been a long while since I've felt this kind of hurt. I'm trying to put my faith in the master plan that is out there for me, but trying really hard not to go the route of thinking that perhaps this means I'm meant to have a child that will balance out my life, and fit in to the time previously devoted to work.

With all the irony that seems to have hit me of late, I just know that would be too much to hope for.....in fact, I could literally hear the world snorting in laughter at me even as I typed it out loud.