Blizzard And Pity Party Warning

The Sunday Update, which, by the way, in my very humble opinion, sucks the big one.

We're anticipating a blizzard here with a significant amount of snow and freezing ice pellets (are there other kinds of ice pellets that aren't freezing? I've always wanted to ask that question of a meteoroligist). Why is that important and why, when I usually relish the potential of being snowed in with my honey, is it causing me grief today? Well, it means that I likely will not be able to go for my second beta tomorrow. We never get plowed out until the rest of the city has been done.

Anyhow, I'm beginning to think it won't be necessary. I'm cramping and spotting today. Still darkish and fluidy in nature, but spotting none the less. If the spotting last weekend was implantation spotting, then spotting again this weekend can't be good. Many of the other symptoms have decreased as well. I'll still go for the second beta, just to confirm what I think is happening.

I wish to hell that I had never taken that test on Monday. I know that sounds insane, but if I hadn't taken it, then I would just be sitting here tonight thinking that the clomid cycle failed, and I was simply starting my period. Instead, I know that the cycle didn't fail. I asked the doctor about whether I should start the clomid, per the prescription, if I did start my period. She pulls no punches. She said that if I started to bleed it would not be a period...it would be a miscarriage and so wouldn't be a cycle. I am the Queen of Denial, and would have so much preferred to consider this just another period, but between seeing those frigging positives and hearing her use the word miscarriage, even I can't convince myself it's just another failed cycle.

I bawled all the way through Mass this morning, but then had a bizarrely good time at brunch with my girlfriends, and spent a significant amount of that brunch holding the newborn son of one of my friends. I've managed to avoid seeing her and meeting him until today - and that only happened because I hadn't been forewarned that he would be there with her. In retrospect, I'm kind of glad as I'm sure I would have found a reason not to go, and I need to get out and be among friends today.

So, that's the sucky Sunday update from Sandy. Not just a blizzard warning, but a pity party warning as well. I'm going to crawl into my snowbank and sob now.