It's day 37 of another long cycle.
I don't think that I'm pregnant. Lately my mind starts to wander into other areas of possibility. Like how warm I've been during the days of the last few weeks. And how tired I've been...sleeping like a log. Does this mean I'm entering menopause?
My mother, who had trouble conceiving but did manage to do so with me by the time she was 32, began menopause by the time she was 39. Since I've followed in her conceiving-challenged footsteps, will I also follow in her early change footsteps?
I'm fairly certain I'm not pregnant because I've conducted two home tests ~ both with negative outcomes. I also feel some symptoms today that could indicate I'm going to start my period any time now.
As much as I want to be pregnant, and to have a child of our own, I have these other thoughts once in a while. There are times when I wish someone would just confirm with me that it's never going to happen ... or that I'm now in menopause ... or believe it or not, that I have to have a total hysterectomy ... so that I wouldn't have to go through this waiting/guessing/hoping/second guessing game every month only to have it end in my feeling like a failure once more.
I hate trying to figure out why this eludes us.
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1 comment:
I know the feeling. It will be nice to not ride the roller coaster and if one has a hysterectomy, there is no roller coaster to ride. The ride will be over.
I'd look back on that ride right now and flip my middle finger in the air and stomp away. Sucky, sucky ride.
Take care.
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