Mery Christmis

Nights like this make it all worth while.

HB and I had decided last week that we would take two boxes from the Operation Christmas Child campaign that is running at our little parish here in our community. They had to be filled and returned by Friday November 11, so we didn't have much time.

Frodo and Mini-Me are with us every Wednesday night. We've been having some real challenges with Frodo of late. He is displaying behaviours that are very self-centered, and indicate that he has a huge focus on money and material items. That's hard for us because neither are at the center of the universe for HB or I, and so we can't always relate. We also get frustrated with the "gimme gimme" attitude of entitlement that gets displayed frequently by Frodo, and has been fairly regular behaviour for the last four or five years, meaning that it doesn't look like it's 'just a stage' ... which is what we had both been hoping.

So....we decided to see if we could involve both boys in filling these boxes with us. And just to further torture ourselves, decided that we would take them shopping Wednesday night but that we had to all make a deal with each other.

None of us would buy anything for ourselves that night - nor talk about what we would like to be able to buy. Nothing. Not a drink, game, piece of clothing. Nothing.

What an incredible experience.

They each agreed to fill a box for a boy their age. So Frodo was shopping for a 10 year old boy, and Mini-Me for an 8 year old boy. The deal was they would pick out some items, consult with us, with the final decision resting with HB and I. We made sure that they understood the money in the can on top of our fridge was covering the cost, so we did have a bit of a budget. HB and I have a large cookie jar into which all of our change goes year round. In Canada that's significant, since our $1 and $2 are in coin form!

It started out rocky. We hit the toy aisle at Walmart and Frodo started with the "oh! look at that! I'd love to have that!" ... which morphed into "I don't mean now...but for Christmas". I'll give him this - he's quick. He soon realized that he could get the message across by saying "I think my kid would like this!"

We just kept up the mantra. "Who are we shopping for? No, I don't think a child in a third world country really could use the Star Wars dvd box set, but good thinking Frodo!"

We spent two hours and about $100 in the mall.

We found cool little toys (balls, cars that run on magnetized plastic ramps, a recorder), coloured pencils, books, t-shirts, socks, hard candy ... all of which were appropriate and could fit in a shoe box easily.

And we bought nothing for ourselves or each other. To the point that we had no milk the next morning for breakfast because I really had meant to pick that up on the way home!

When we got home, the boys each packed their shoe box. We held hands and said a little prayer, and invited each boy to add his thoughts.

Frodo prayed that the boxes would get there safely.

Mini-Me prayed that the boys receiving the boxes would love their presents. Then he sat and decorated the top of the shoe box lid. He wrote:

"Mery Christmis. Love your presents. From Mini-Me, age 8"

and I fell in love all over again.

On the road again

I'm touched that Angela was concerned that I hadn't blogged in a few days...I am fine. I've just had a lot going on.

For one thing, I've been busy getting my application in for a graduate degree program. I received a copy of an incredibly positive letter from my former supervisor today. In it, he made a very strong case for full sponsorship of the program by my employer. I should know whether I've been accepted, and whether my employer is going to pay for the degree very soon. If it all goes well, I'll be studying my butt off by January.

I'm getting ready to head out on the road for the next month, which really sucks. And I mean on. the. road. I'll be away for four full continuous weeks (home on weekends) before Christmas, and then another three continuous beginning mid-January. It's not even a case of getting to set up in one hotel and using it as a base. We'll be working during the day and then moving to a new hotel so that we can go to work in a different location the next day. Lots of fun.

Which kind of means that any chance for conceiving is out the window until maybe February for us. In case any one is actually following the bouncing ball with me, I started my period today. An eight day luteal phase...what's up with that? Peri-menopause perhaps?

The circle of life

I went for a long overdue visit to my GP yesterday. She's awesome, and has been my doctor for 20 years now - ever since I graduated from college. She's seen me through a lot, including both referrals to the fertility clinic, and our pregnancy. She also saw me through a very long bout with dysplasia back in the early '90s. I had the great fortune of being in that .1 percentile for whom the laser treatment does not work. The specialist I was seeing for treatment had the bedside manner of a monkey...no, let me take that back....the monkey on ER last night had better bedside manner than he did. I was terrified, alone and being told casually that I had crossed over from latter end severe to the first stage of cervical cancer by a man who was busy running between the four patient rooms he always kept going. He informed me that his preferred method of treatment in cases like mine was hysterectomy. I refused. I was 27 or 28 years old at the time, had not yet been married, and had high hopes that I would be a mother some day. A hysterectomy was not high on my to-do list at that time.

After three laser treatments and one cone biopsy that didn't work, I finally had a cervix strip which has kept me mostly cell free, except for one teeny scare about six years ago. I have usually been regimental about having pap tests - it's the best form of detection, and given that I was on an increasing schedule for having them for five years, they became standard fare for me at the doctor's office. I'd just drop my drawers out of habit when I would see her ... which was somewhat embarrassing the day we ran into each other the mall....hehe.

I got thinking that it had been a while since I'd had a pap - and sure enough, when I went to see her yesterday, she informed me that it had been two years since my last one. We assumed the position, but holy cow, it was the most painful exam I've ever had! She informed me that my cervix was hiding and hard to get at, and that from what she could see, my uterus looked tipped. What's with that???

We decided to do the whole enchilada while I was there, plus have a chat. I had a breast exam, internal, blood pressure check (which is always totally fine, even with my family history of high bp), bloodwork for cholesterol (uh oh), liver, thyroid, diabetes....you get the picture.

In short, I had an old lady check up yesterday.

Followed by a whole conversation about when we might want to start having a conversation about when HB and I will start working to prevent pregnancy. She had the letter from my June visit to the clinic which basically said there was nothing more that they could do to assist us.

She said that given my health, there's no reason to start thinking about it now. That it's reasonable to keep trying until I'm 45 ... which is just over two more years.

Amazing. I spent my younger years preventing pregnancy ... my middle years attempting to get pregnant ... and apparently I will spend more years preventing pregnancy.