Today was my mother's 76th birthday. They live about an hour from us, and we don't see them nearly often enough. We drove up today to spend the day with them, and loved every minute of it. We always do. In truth, I think I've married my father. HB is a younger version of Dad. They are like two little boys when they get together - laughing and telling jokes, carrying on. They just bring out the best in each other, and I love to watch it.
There is a part of me that is terrified at the thought of losing my parents. They are both getting so old and it seems to be happening too quickly for me. They have both really aged since my brother's death in 1999 - that was an emotional aging. The kind of aging we're seeing now is totally related to chronological aging. Mom is getting very forgetful. We tease her about it, and she teases herself about it, but it's so hard to watch.
I know that we all face it. The people who were so strong, so sure, so confident, so loving to us are becoming old and preparing themselves to leave this world. I want to drink in every moment with them. I want to remember the good times, and honour them by being the woman they raised me to be. I want to create more good times with them.
My sister suggested that we have Christmas dinner at her house this year and thankfully, no one picked up on it. We're still going to go to Mom and Dad's and do our usual family thing there. Mom doesn't do as much as she used to anymore, by design. She cooks the turkey and supplies dessert. We bring everything else to cut down on the work and to avoid exhausting her. So I'm sure my sister thought she was making a good suggestion - but I'm not ready for that change yet.
I want my little world to stay the way it is for now. I want to keep my head in the sand and pretend that it will always be this way. Just let me stay there for a while longer.
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4 comments:
I know exaclty how you feel. My Dad turned 75 this month. My mom has been gone ten years and I miss her every single day. Especially at Christmas time.
It must be in the air - Patrick and I were talking about that same thing this weekend!
My dad just turned 64 and I can see how he's starting to get that 'old person' mentality - ya know, when they just don't connect A & B the way they use to. And it pains me. I hate to think about my dad getting older and my losing him.
So I live in denial whenever possible : )
My in-laws are in their mid 80s and every time we see them I think, is this the last time? I say don't give up making new memories until you absolutely have to.
Oh honey, do I ever understand what you're going through.
My Dad is in his 60's now. But all my life (until about a year ago), I viewed him as ageless. He was my big rugged, strong, capable father. Now, I realize his memory is failing him, he's getting frail, so much is going on with his health and it's really hard to face. Studying social gerontology, is really kicking my butt because i'm having to look deeper into what's going on and admit it to myself. It's so hard?
re: your husband getting along so well with your Dad.. this is such a blessing! They say that girls grow up to choose men who remind them of their fathers, it seems absolutely true!
You take care of yourself, and I hope you have a very Merry Christmas with the family. xo, A
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