The Obligatory End of Year Post

Ahhhhh......the tail end of 2006. It was the best of times....it was the worst of times....

Actually, it really wasn't the worst of times. Reflecting back on the year, I'd have to say it was pretty good overall. We have become very skilled at living in and appreciating the moment - one day at a time.

So...the year in review.....

• We've become stronger as a couple.
• I've made and acted upon my decisions to become healthier in all domains of my life.
• I have assertively dealt with the bullshit at work and had myself moved out of the unhealthy position I was placed in, so that makes my work life much happier.
• I joined and have successfully worked a weight loss program, and am now only 19 lbs away from my goal.
• HB and I are working out four to five times a week together - accomplishing two things at once - me actually getting to the gym and spending time with my awesome husband.
• I am officially half way through the master's program I began in January 2006, and thus far have a straight A average.
• We've spent more time with family and friends this year, and plan to continue to make that a priority.

So all in all, not bad. Not bad at all. May sucked with having to make the decision to put Big Dawg to sleep. Then there was the whole miscarriage in October thing. But even that seemed to have a lesson in it for us. I feel pretty confident now that I don't want to get pregnant again, and also pretty confident that we are exactly where we are intended to be with parenting. I believe we are meant to be here for Frodo and Mini-Me ... something big feels like it's brewing there. And I'm very ok with it all.

And as for our houseguest? HB and I had decided that we were going to ask her to give us a few days here by ourselves when she returned on the 28th, and also that we were going to have a conversation about what her plans were for January and beyond. We rehearsed and practiced - encouraging each other to feel ok but not enabling her to avoid dealing with the real world any longer. HB broached the subject with her when she arrived back here that evening, and her response was simply that she didn't want to talk about it. He told her that he was giving her fair warning that the conversation would indeed take place in a few days.

We left the house at about 9:30 a.m. the next day and she was still in bed. When we got home in the afternoon, there was a card on the kitchen table that had the precise amount of money we had given to her for her airline ticket (which we had intended as a Christmas gift), along with a note. The note basically said that she hoped we didn't think she wasn't appreciative of everything, and that she was giving us some time alone. At first we thought, "how nice". Then we realized that she had packed up every one of her belongings and simply left. We figured out that she is another sister's but there has been no contact at all with us. She still has our housekey, we're not sure what her plans are at all, and we've been denied the opportunity of a discussion with her about it. I just hope she isn't planning to simply waltz back in here now.

It bothers me that she just left like that with no chance for us to talk about what our thoughts were. Who knows what she's thinking or feeling about the whole situation. HB tells me not to worry about it - that she this behaviour is passive-aggressive and this is just another way of her avoiding confrontation....even though we had no intention of being confrontational. We just knew that we had to have a discussion that would have an end date attached to it. It was starting to take too large a toll on us to have a third party in our home and in our marriage all the time.

Another lesson learned in 2006 - HB and I are totally an old married couple now! We understand each other's needs and wants so well we don't even have to talk about it, and when the apple cart is upset, ain't no one happy! Is it bad to be that set in our ways?

So....tonight we will travel up to my parents' place and hang out with them for the new year's celebration. We'll eat chinese food and play silly games. We'll watch my father and HB love each other up and laugh at them together. And we will be thankful for yet another year together, happy, healthy, in love with life and each other.

Happy new year to you.

About that fish?

We finally have our house to ourselves - if even for a few days! Our perpetual company went back to her family for the holidays. Her ticket was our Christmas gift. Oh yeah, it was a gift to her too!

Even HB had to admit that the constant presence was beginning to drain him. His way of relaxing is to hang out on the couch in the living room and watch continuous Star Trek with no one .... I repeat no one speaking to him for a few hours. He has a little ritual. He hasn't been able to engage in that ritual since August.

Needless to say, we are enjoying doing some of the things we haven't been able to do since August. We went out to dinner by ourselves. We went to the theatre. We got up early and sat in the kitchen, drinking coffee and not saying a word to each other. He watched Star Trek until his ears got pointy today.

She's scheduled to come back on the 28th, but HB and I have had enough conversation now to know that we have to set some boundaries. Among those boundaries are some pretty basic things like, let's see:

• buy your own shaving cream and do not use my razor
• if you're not going to pay rent, then at least begin to kick in on the groceries once in a while
• there's a tv in your room - let us introduce you to it
• if you're home doing nothing all day, stop it and look for a job!

And most importantly, we're going to have the discussion about how long she plans to stay. We never intended this to be a semi-permanent thing. I have been feeling fairly unChristian about this whole thing, and that's no good. You know that whole my castle is your castle thing? I don't think it was meant for a small semi-detached castle that already has two adults, two growing kids and two very large dawgs in it.

In other news ... still going to the gym and loving it. I'm down 25 lbs as of last week, and loving that! Successfully finished up another semester in the graduate program and completed two exams this past week. Also hosted a full Christmas dinner for 10 people last weekend, got the tree bought, put up and decorated - all in one day.

I'm almost Martha Frickin' Stewart these days.

Keep the change

Today was my mother's 76th birthday. They live about an hour from us, and we don't see them nearly often enough. We drove up today to spend the day with them, and loved every minute of it. We always do. In truth, I think I've married my father. HB is a younger version of Dad. They are like two little boys when they get together - laughing and telling jokes, carrying on. They just bring out the best in each other, and I love to watch it.

There is a part of me that is terrified at the thought of losing my parents. They are both getting so old and it seems to be happening too quickly for me. They have both really aged since my brother's death in 1999 - that was an emotional aging. The kind of aging we're seeing now is totally related to chronological aging. Mom is getting very forgetful. We tease her about it, and she teases herself about it, but it's so hard to watch.

I know that we all face it. The people who were so strong, so sure, so confident, so loving to us are becoming old and preparing themselves to leave this world. I want to drink in every moment with them. I want to remember the good times, and honour them by being the woman they raised me to be. I want to create more good times with them.

My sister suggested that we have Christmas dinner at her house this year and thankfully, no one picked up on it. We're still going to go to Mom and Dad's and do our usual family thing there. Mom doesn't do as much as she used to anymore, by design. She cooks the turkey and supplies dessert. We bring everything else to cut down on the work and to avoid exhausting her. So I'm sure my sister thought she was making a good suggestion - but I'm not ready for that change yet.

I want my little world to stay the way it is for now. I want to keep my head in the sand and pretend that it will always be this way. Just let me stay there for a while longer.