Thursday, March 11, 2010

You look mahvelous dahling! How HAVE you been?

My last post to this blog was 676 days ago. How do you even come up for an excuse for that kind of neglect? And how do you begin to describe what has happened to your life in those 676 days? It smacks of those awkward high school/university/community reunions that seem to be the current rage thanks to social media such as Facebook and Twitter. The look across the room toward someone who looks familiar and you're thinking perhaps from the hall at school, but really its from a picture on someone else's profile page and you've both convinced yourself that you were really great friends 30 years ago in high school. You hug enthusiastically, ask the perfunctory "where are you living now...kids....job?" questions, and try to describe your past 30 years in four sentences or less.

But try I will. So, since May 4, 2008:
  • I completed that master's degree and am no smarter but I have a wickedly framed piece of paper hanging on the wall of my honking big new office where I work at a job that is with another department all together. Before I even graduated, I thanked the Department that would not promote me back in 2006, applied for and won a competition for a senior position, packed up my boxes and left them. Felt great!

  • Mom kicked breast cancer's ass! She had the mastectomy in May, returned home and determined to get healthy at 78. She chose radiation over chemo as a treatment. She and Dad travelled here to the city where I live, and became involved with the amazing Lodge that Gives while she underwent a long series of treatments. They chose to stay there instead of with us and embraced this part of their journey as an adventure. I visited regularly and enjoyed seeing my Dad who took everything on with such gusto, tour me around and introduce me to volunteers...other patients....the kitchen staff. He would transport my mom to her treatments, and took care of her with such unconditional love. What an example of love he is to me.

  • Mom finished her radiation treatments, and then promptly had a heart attack! In November 2008, she was admitted to the ICU and diagnosed with four blocked arteries. Because of her history of diabetes, the proximity to the cancer diagnosis, poor lung capacity and oxygen circulation and other reasons, surgery is not an option. She recovered, and was sent home with oxygen which has become a 18 out of 24 hour per day companion to her.

  • On April 14 of last year, my amazing dad died of cancer. It snuck up and bit us all on the arse. We had no idea he had it until three weeks before he died. He had been so focused on nursing my mom back to health from her breast cancer, mastectomy and subsequent heart attack that he wasn't paying attention to his own health situation. And although we saw that he was losing weight, that's not always seen as a bad thing in my family, so we probably didn't pay as much attention to it as we could/should/would have. You may remember that HB is a younger version of my Dad, so as long as HB is around, we haven't totally lost sight of who Dad is to us. Dad's death and our journey with him on those last days deserves a post all on its own, and I am committed to doing just that. I love him and miss him every moment of every day, and I wouldn't trade a moment of our crazy life together - even that last day in his hospice room, holding his foot because my mom and sister got his hands - and accompanying HB in song as we sang him home. Yes...Dad deserves a post all of his own.

  • In the midst of all that, Knothead calls on her cell phone one day to say "by the way, I want to move to Europe in July and take Frodo and Mini-Me with me. You down with that?" What followed was weeks of consultation with lawyers, counsellors, friends and mega soul searching to determine whether it was the right thing to let her take the boys out of the country. HB is indeed so much like my unconditionally loving Dad, and I learned so much about sacrifical love from watching him make this decision. He knew that this experience was something that the kids would never have a chance at again, although it meant that we would not see them in person for at least 12 months, and that they would be living completely under her daily influence. We drove them to the airport on July 1, 2009. They call, skype or email every single day ... and we all miss each other like crazy. We are looking forward to them being home for the entire month of July with us, and are planning a two week trip there for February 2011. Despite the fighting and challenges we faced when they were living here, we have determined that much of it had to do with Knothead, and her misery in her life here. She seems to be in a much better space these days, and I think has realized that the kids were not little arses because of HB's influence on them....that they are just that - kids! She was quite surprised that many of the issues she used to blame on HB mysteriously found their way across the pond in their baggage and reappeared! So...painful as it has been, perhaps this has been good for all of us. The weird thing is that Frodo will turn 15 this summer and Mini-Me 13. I still see them in their little matched sweaters, nose to nose with our dogs in the kitchen. In fact, Barkley towered over Mini-Me! Now they pat the top of my head as they walk by - or at least that's what they were doing before they left. Since I know I've shrunk in height while they were gone, it doesn't bode well for me upon their return this summer! I can't wait.

  • And finally, but absolutely not the least of what's been happening, is that HB and I continue to grow closer together and more in love. I cannot believe how blessed I am to have this man as my life partner. He always said we could have fun in a ditch together, and these past few years have underscored the truth of that statement. We have journeyed together through the crap and the mud and still managed to find diamonds in those puddles. I love him. Plain and simple.

There is so much more but God love ya for reading this far. I suspect there's not a soul out there that still checks this old blog, but if any of my old blog buds are still out there, please let me know. I have continued to keep up on some of my reading and will be updating my blog list soon. I had forgotten how therapeutic blogging can be!

10 comments:

Sami said...

Welcome back :) It's been a while hasn't it. I'm sorry for the loss of your dad. I'm glad to hear of your mom's successful battle against cancer. I'm also glad to hear of your continued love of HB. Hang in there and know I'm still reading - even if it's through a blog reader which alerted me to your being back.

Lut C. said...

Thanks to the wonder that is the feed reader, I saw you posted automagically.

Wow,that's a whole lot to happen in two years time.
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. I'm glad your mother made it through cancer, hopefully to enjoy many fulfilling years, despite her loss.

Tough decision you had to make regarding the kids. A sacrifice indeed! Hopefully they will one day apreciate its worth.

Congrats on the graduation and the promotion!

Michelle said...

So glad to hear from you! I am so sorry about your Dad. I know the pain of losing a parent. I'm sorry you had(are having) to go through that pain.

So cool about your job situation and your relationship. I too find as the years go by my husband and my relationship gets stonger and stronger.

Hope to hear more from you before another 676 days go by!

Thalia said...

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. That must be so hard for you, missing him every day. And it must be hard to have the boys so far away, too.

Sounds like you are managing well in the face of so much emotion, I hope everything continues in that vein!

Sarah said...

I'm so glad you left a comment for me or I would not have known you were back and come to check! It was so great to see your note on my blog and amazing to read this recap post. Brought me to tears more than once. So sorry for the loss of your amazing father. Glad your mother is such a fighter. Astounding to hear of the boys being so far away now but impressed with you and HB's love and partnership to go through all of these things together, and with strength and love.

Good to see you back. xo

Anonymous said...

Oh I have been looking for a blog like this!!! I am a mother and step mother and its so great to hear what others are going through. A little support never hurt anyone! :) Thanks and I can't wait to hear how your month with the kids goes!

Anonymous said...

Long-time lurker--nice to see an update, even with all of life's ups and downs. Your story continues to inspire!

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